If You Knew
by Whisper Sweet Nothings
Summary: After everything that happened between him and Blair after his father's death, Chuck realizes what he needs to do to make things right with Blair. What happens when Chuck finally decides to let his guard down? Will she still love him? Chuck/Blair Oneshot


**I got this idea for a one shot when I was just about to go to bed...and then I couldn't sleep until I had it written and it was done [since I have yet to sleep, I apologize if there's any errors I missed]. I really hope you like it! I'd love to hear your comments/thoughts on it!**

**So...this idea wasn't based on totally typical/normal Chuck and Blair [and by typical I mean what we're used to seeing on the show]. It's a softer side of Chuck. I started thinking how Chuck might be when he finally lets his guard down, and it's just the real him and he doesn't need to have a mask up. Also, I was going more for sweet, as opposed to passionate [I'm stating that just in case you think it lacks the C/B passion]. So...even though it's not exactly typical C/B behavior, I hope you still enjoy it!**

**The italics are obviously memories, since they're scenes from the show, and the **** signals the end of the memory. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl, or any of its characters, etc.**

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**If You Knew....**

_******_

_"Three words. Eight letters. Say it, and I'm yours," she had told him with hope in her eyes, hoping he would say what she needed to hear._

_"I -- I..." he wanted to, he wanted to be able to give her what she needed, but he couldn't. He sputtered over the words, the words that held such importance to the girl standing in front of him._

_****_

_"Don't go. Or if you have to leave, let me come with you," she asked, almost as though it was a soft command._

_"I appreciate your concern," he had said coldly as he opened the limo door, trying to get away._

_"No. You don't. You don't appreciate anything today, but I don't care," she said pointedly. "Whatever you're going through...I want to be there for you," she said more softly._

_"We've talked about this. You are not my girlfriend," he put as much emphasis as he could on his last few words, trying to get her to leave him alone, trying to hurt her slightly enough in order to push her away._

_But she stood there unaffected by his harsh tone. She continued to look him in the eye as she spoke. "But I am me. And you are you". She reached to gently grasp his large hand within her small ones before she continued. "We're Chuck and Blair. Blair and Chuck". Much to his own annoyance, his eyes threatened to betray him, and he had to blink to avoid any tears. "The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had - I will stand by you through anything," she said firmly, sincerely, their eyes still locked on one another's._

_"And why would you do that?" he asked, still not breakin the eye contact._

_"Because __**I love you**__". She had just said the three most important words to him, the words that made it very hard to contain the liquid that was pooling within his honey colored eyes._

_Instead of saying it back, instead of saying something genuine, something nice...he did the only thing he could think of - he pushed her away with his words before getting in his limo and leaving her standing there. "Well that's too bad"._

_****_

Chuck Bass cursed himself as he remember those two moments, those two very important moments. He cursed himself for not being able to say those three words, those eight letters. They were only three syllables, yet he couldn't even get them to leave his lips. That night at the white party, he could feel the words on his tongue, he had wanted to say them to her, but he couldn't. He couldn't form the words he knew she so desperately needed to hear. And then when she finally told him she loves him, he had been an ass to her, and left her standing alone on the sidewalk staring after his limo.

It had been over a month since she had told him she loves him. And after he had so harshly accused her of playing the wife, he had gone to apologize and she had thrown the flowers to his feet and said she was done. They hadn't spoken since. And every day that went by, his heart and his body ached for her. He wanted her, but she had said she was done. She had given up on him - on them. Thinking back on all of this now as he said in suite 1812, Chuck knew what he needed to do. As much as he hated the thought, and as difficult as he knew it would be, he had to do it.

He grabbed his phone and dialed, telling his driver to bring the limo around. After his phone was placed within his pocket, he spotted his earlier abandoned bottle of scotch. He walked over to his, pouring himself a glass, and quickly downed it. For good measure, thinking he would need all the liquid courage he could get, he poured himself yet another glass, and just as quickly downed that one as well before leaving his suite and entering his limo.

After arriving at the Waldorf residence, he realized that the elevator ride up to her penthouse was quite long - or at least it felt that way to him in this moment. He was more nervous than he had ever been in his life. He breathed a sigh of relief as the elevator doors opened and the familiar ping sounded as he stepped into the Waldorfs' home. When he seen that no one was around, he began climbing the stairs two at a time until he went down the hall to find the door he was looking for.

He didn't bother to knock, since he figured she would surely refuse to let him in if he did. So instead, he quietly opened her door, and quickly slipped inside. The room was dark and it took his eyes a minute to adjust, but when they did, he seen her sleeping form laying on her bed. Looking at her alarm clock to check the time, he cursed himself realizing maybe he hadn't thought this plan through. It was 2am and Blair was fast asleep.

He needed to see her, though, he couldn't wait any longer. He had been far too stupid already waiting as long as he had. So he quietly padded over to her bed, and slowly sat on the edge of her bed before gently taking her hand in his.

"Chuck?" she asked sleepily, having woken instantly at his touch. "What - what are you doing here?" she asked confused, her eyes and her mind still fuzzy with sleep.

"I needed to talk to you," he said softly, trying to find her eyes in the darkness of the room.

She looked over at her clock to check the time. "It's two in the morning, Chuck. What was so important you came rushing over here this late? It better be good. Especially since, if you haven't forgotten, I said I was done, Chuck," she tried adding a touch of venom to her voice, but softened when she felt him flinch at her words. Sighing, she reached over to the side of her bed to turn on her lamp. As she seen his face when the light illuminated the room, she almost gasped at the unreadable and torn expression on his face.

"It is important. I know I've done a lot of things, and I know I've hurt you, he said looking down at their connected hands. "And no, I didn't forget that you said you were done with me, and with us, but....please at least just listen to what I have to say," he said with a softness to his tone, almost pleading. Blair was sure she must still be half asleep, because she could have sworn he sounded almost defeated, and almost slightly scared. So she nodded in reply, unsure of what to say in response to his honest words, and unsure of where this was going.

"Blair," he began, running a nervous hand through his hair with his other hand still clutching onto hers. "Do you know how many times in my life someone has told me they love me?" he asked, his voice just above a whisper. She shook her head gently, and pulled herself up into a bit more of a sitting position on her bed, preparing herself to listen intently to his words. She studied his face as she waited for him to continue.

"One, Blair," his eyes locked on hers, "you". Her breath caught in her throat and her heart began to break at the realization that no one else had ever told the boy who sat beside her that he was loved. He looked down again before continuing, sure that if he kept looking into her eyes his words would falter, and he wouldn't get to finish saying what he needed to say. "You know how things were with my father. He blamed me for my mother's death. Never once had he said those words to me. I realized at a young age that he would never say those words to me. When I was little..." he slightly trailed off, deep in thought as he tried to formulate his words. He felt too exposed, to vulnerable, and he didn't like the feeling, but he forced himself to continue. "When I was little I had told my father a few times that I loved him, but he would never even look up from his paper work. He would never say it back, he would just tell me to go play in the other room". His throat tightened as his emotions started to betray him.

"Chuck..." she whispered, wanting to say something, anything, but she was at a loss for words. But he interrupted her thoughts and her unspoken words.

"I need to finish saying this. If I don't say it now...I may not ever be able to bring myself to say it," he explained, his voice soft and gentle. So she simply gave his hand a gentle squeeze, and brought her other hand over to place on top of his, so his hand was clutched between both of her own delicate hands. As angry as she may have been at Chuck for everything that had happened since Bart's death, the sadness on his face and in his voice, along with the honesty in his words made her anger melt away, wanting to hear what he was so intent on trying to tell her.

"I've never had anyone say those words to me....except you," he said, his eyes now meeting hers again, only to notice the tears that were starting to well up in her chocolate brown orbs. "And I wanted to say them to you, Blair. The night of the white party, I just - I wanted to, I wanted to say those words, Blair, I wanted to be able to give you what you needed, but I couldn't. I just couldn't get them out. I was scared. Just like you were scared on the roof top in Brooklyn when you had first wanted to tell me you loved me". He paused, checking to make sure she understood his words, and his feelings, and when she gave him a knowing nod, he continued. "And then, the day of my father's funeral," he said taking in a shaky breath, "you told me you love me. God, it felt so good to hear you say that, Waldorf. But just like yourself, you know that I hate to seem weak, to be weak, or to be vulnerable. I was a mess, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I would self destruct". He paused collecting his thoughts, his brows furrowing as he struggled to get the words out. "I wanted to protect you. And myself. I didn't want you to get too close, so I wouldn't hurt you even more when I did finally self destruct, so I pushed you away," he whispered. "And remember how I said I was scared of you seeing me, the real me? That was also why I couldn't say those three words. Because...my father was the only person who had ever seen the real me and he -- he didn't even love me," he stopped as a single tear rolled down his cheek. Blair remained silent, not wanting to interrupt him, so she simply reached up and wiped the tear away and gently caressed his cheek before giving him a reassuring nod.

"I was scared that...if you knew the real me, if you seen the real me, then you wouldn't care about me anymore, either, and I would be alone, and it would be my own fault. You're the only person who has ever told me they love me, and I didn't want you to change your mind once you seen the real me," he said, his voice full of honesty as he timidly looked up into her eyes yet again, afraid to see her reaction.

With the smallest of smiles playing against her lips, she spoke softly as she interrupted him, whether he was done or not, needing to be able to say this before he went any further. "Chuck, I do know the real you, you may try to hide it and put up a mask for everyone, but I'm me and you're you...we've always been able to see through each other," she reminded him softly. "I can see through your mask, I can see the real emotions in your eyes and I can hear it in your voice. Maybe I've only fully seen the real you in certain moments, when you let your guard down completely...but Chuck," her voice became a whisper as she reached up and tilted his face so he was looking her in the eye, "I love you. All of you. Including the real you," she stated firmly, with so much sincerity that Chuck felt his eyes become even more watery and he quickly looked down to hide it, to hide his emotions. But she seen what he was doing, and gently lifted his face back up again to look her straight in the eye. "You don't need to keep your guard up with me, Chuck. I love you". And with that, she placed a gently kiss on his rough cheek.

"I'm sorry," he began, and she was confused. She froze, thinking he was about to take it all back, about to shut her out again, but he seen she had tensed at his words thinking the worst, so he quickly continued. "I'm sorry for not being able to say it at the white party," his voice was barely above a whisper. "And I'm sorry for not saying it when you first said it to me after my father's funeral. I'm sorry for hurting you," his voice was weak, tired. She smiled gently at him, and began to gently graze the top of his hand that she held in hers with her fingertips.

He felt exhaustion wipe over his body now that he had said what he needed to say, now that he had told her what she needed to know. He gently layed back against her bed until his head came into contact with a pillow. She sensed his exhaustion, and enjoying the closeness, the openess they shared in this moment with no truths held back, she wriggled closer to him so that his head was leaning against her shoulder, their hands still intertwined between them.

He was so silent and still that she was sure he must have already fallen asleep, but then he spoke, his voice so quiet and so small.

"Blair..." he slightly say up a bit more, so that he could look into her eyes when he said the words he had needed a moment to work up the courage to say, the words she longed to hear . "I love you".

As the words left his mouth, she couldn't contain the huge smile that spread across her beautiful face. She leaned down to kiss him tenderly, with all the love and passion she could muster, and he eagerly returned the gesture. God, it felt good. It felt right.

They just lay there in each other's arms, face to face, with Chuck's arms wrapped around her thin waist, and her hand reaching up to gingerly brush the hair from his eyes. All was silent until Blair finally spoke. "Chuck?"

"Yes, Waldorf?" he mumbled, enjoying their closeness.

"What made you decide to come here tonight and tell me all of that? What changed?" she asked cautiously, not wanting to ruin the moment, but needing to know what had caused him to finally let her in, to finally tell her how he felt.

"Because I've been thinking a lot the past few weeks and I realized -- I realized how much I missed you, and how much I needed you," he whispered, his eyes never leaving hers. "And I realized that I didn't want to lose you. I knew I had to at least try to get you back and explain things, because...I would be miserable without you, because I realized how much I love you..." he explained. She was at a loss for words at his confession.

Blair suddenly sat up, and began climbing out of bed, unwrapping Chuck's arms from her body. Chuck's confusion was evident on his face, and he insantly missed the warmth and closeness of her body next to his. He was slightly worried by the fact that she so abruptly left the bed after he told her why he had come there tonight. He was worried he was scaring her off, that the real him really was that bad and she was already pulling away.

She had begun rummaging through a drawer in her dresser, and he watched her intently, wondering what she was doing, and wondering if she was having seconds thoughts. But within seconds, she raised her head with a triumphant smile, clutching something small in her hand as she made her way back over to the bed.

After climbing in and snuggling back up against Chuck like she had been minutes before, he instantly relaxed and posessively put his arms back around her. Around his Blair. She smiled, and gently took one of his hands from around her waist, and pressing something small and cold into his palm.

"It's yours," she told him softly, the happiness evident in her voice.

He looked down at his palm to see what she had placed there. Her heart pin. He smirked the moment he seen it, and gently rubbed his thumb over it, almost as if to make sure this was all real.

Chuck Bass officially had Blair Waldorf's heart.

The thought made him feel whole, and complete. He had Blair Waldorf's heart, and she now had the key to his heart.

He closed his palm around the small heart shaped pin that meant so much to both of them, and leaned over to place a tender kiss on her lips, and when they pulled apart, both smiled contently. Still clutching the pin, refusing to let it out of his grasp, he placed his arm back around her waist, and she snuggled even closer and layed her head on his chest.

As their eyes began to get too heavy to keep open, Chuck placed a small kiss on the top of her head just as sleep overcame him. She listened to his heart beat beneath her ear for a few moments longer before turning her head to place a light kiss on his chest, directly over his heart, the same heart he had finally opened up to her.

Blair Waldorf fell asleep with a content smile playing at her lips, knowing that she now held the key to Chuck Bass's heart.

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**So...what did you think? Still okay, even though it wasn't all typical C/B behavior?  
Reviews are greatly appreciated!**


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